Monday, 5 September 2011

First Campaigner Challenge

Challenge Rules:


Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

Challenge Met!

Memories

The door swung open as I approached. Floorboards creaked as I entered the small square hall. Memories flooded back in this house where I was born.

The stairs stretched up before me. On my left had been the best room in the house, only used on Sundays – and for courting. It could tell a tale or two.

The old round table had gone from the lounge on the right. No dartboard graced its wall; the scoreboard that taught me sums was no longer there. The brass tongs from the hearth had disappeared as well. The place was not the same.

I traced my steps from the lounge to the kitchen. How I wished the black-leaded range and the stone flag floor still remained and the modern AGA and terracotta tiles didn’t jar so much.

Finally I crept up the stairs which groaned as I went despite me carefully avoiding that sixth rickety step. My old bedroom’s roof sloped above the bed, but the chamber pot wasn’t there.

I left the attic till last. Anticipating a treasure trove I entered in a rush. The floor gave way under my weight. Memories merged into blackness as above me the door swung shut.

29 comments:

Ann said...

Great story! It is jarring to return to a place of memory. What an ending.

Nadja Notariani said...

Nice. I just began reading through all the challenge entries. Thus far, I've read three totally different pieces! ~Nadja

Super Happy Jen said...

Nice. I'm reading through them all too. Seems we have every genre (and every kind of door!)

JANU said...

Really nice, simple and good read.

1000th.monkey said...

I really liked this... such a different tone from all the others I've read so far :)

Alleged Author said...

Awww...as soon as the character thinks he/she's gotten some treasure, you yank away the floor (literally)! Cool!

elizabethanne said...

Gasp! What a great ending, following an excellent, evocative, and intriguing story. Thank you!

marlenedotterer said...

Oh, I like this one. Very nice.

Donna K. Weaver said...

Wow. I want to read more.

Mattias Kroon said...

An excellent idea and a quality short story yet with a "poetic" feeling in it.You are mastering the words!

Tara Tyler said...

ah! hope he didnt get hurt too badly! but he created a new memory =)
nice work!

Ruth Hartman Berge said...

Nice! It definitely invokes the oddness of returning to a place one once lived. (Fellow campaigner, here!)

Liz Stratton said...

Nice story and you served as an inspiration to write 'Skeletons in the Attic.' I had struggled with how to write this and the combination of the opening and closing and word limit somehow made it easier. Writer's block annihilated! Thanks!!!

Lady Gwen said...

Wow, started as a trip down memory lane, with a twist at the end. Way to use the prompt! I'm a new follower stopping over from the campaign!

TICKLEBEAR said...

well done!!
:)~
HUGZ

Cortney said...

This has a very nostalgic feel to it. Nice job!

bridget said...

Nice job. I too am enjoying how no two stories are the same. Mine is #72

MorningAJ said...

Nice twist! I wasn't expecting that at all.

D.J. Kirkby said...

I didn't expect that ending! This was a very interesting take on the challenge.

David Powers King said...

Interesting. I've just written a scene like this, where a past place is completely changed. I think you nailed the feeling of tarnished nostalgia quite well! Great entry, Bob! :)

Maeve Frazier said...

I really like this you did a great job!

Doreen McGettigan said...

I love the twist at the end..awesome!!

http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

Candy Fite said...

What a shocker at the end! Great entry!

Alica McKenna Johnson said...

Greta ending- very fun piece

kmckendry said...

It just never seems quite right when you go back to someplace that holds deep seeded memories. Nice post!

Amanda Milner said...

Oh no! Poor guy/gal! Lol! Trying to enjoy a trip down memory lane at ends up taking a very unpleasant trip at the end! Lol! Nice twist ending. :)

K.T. Hanna said...

Oh I like this! Memories are so precious, it'd be harsh if everything had changed.

Ending feels just right for the piece.

Elaine AM Smith said...

An evocative and intriguing story, you built the tension as he go t higher in the house. The ending rounded off the story but left a lot of unanswered questions.

Roy Station said...

As I read this I recognised the type of house you were describing immediately. Then after checking your profile I discovered you are local to me, so yes a hit from me.